When I ask for help, when I am vulnerable, I am inviting my people into a deeper relationship, which is the whole point.
I’m traveling home to Texas this week for my Grandmother’s funeral. It’s a strange grief, losing someone you love, but knowing they are no longer suffering and in a better place. I know that SO cliche, but I truly believe it. I just wish those words weren’t so trite.
I don’t travel on my own often, but when I do, I like to have everything in order before I leave. House clean, laundry done, meals prepped in the fridge. My stress tends to result in me being SUPER controlling, and probably hurtful, despite my best intentions. But this week, I haven’t had the energy to do the extra work. Friends have offered help and prayers for me and my family, and I know they mean it, but I often turn down the help because I *should* be able to handle my responsibilities, right??
But here’s the thing I’m learning, maybe not so gracefully (and I am completely preaching to myself here). Asking for, and accepting, help is not only okay, but necessary. I can’t say I want to live in community, and gather around my table with those I love, but then isolate myself when it comes to dealing with the hard stuff. When I ask for help, when I am vulnerable, I am inviting my people into a deeper relationship, which is the whole point. Compartmentalizing the good from the bad leaves us with superficial relationships. I want deep roots. And the way I get there is by forcing myself out of my task oriented, controlling, grief bubble. Asking for help also gives my people the opportunity to share their own gifts. If I’m encouraging people to gather and bring what they have, knowing it is enough…I cannot reject it.
So, this week, I’m trusting my husband to handle feeding the kids. Of course he can! Why do I so frequently feel like I’m the only one who can do anything in the kitchen? We’re also asking friends to come over and help with the kids so we don’t need to pay a babysitter just to do our regular weekly activities. We’re asking for specific prayers as we head into this week. This week will be challenging for sure, but we don’t need to walk through it alone.
If you are in a hard season right now, I want to encourage you to invite others to walk in it with you. Maybe you don’t have a specific request, but just speaking the words about what you are going through can help ease the burden. And those walking with you may have something you didn’t even know you needed. What a gift!
Let us gather, even in grief.